There's a Purpose to the Weeping
On Grief, Love, Loss, and the Love that Lives On
Two Years: Wow.
Death has an interesting way of shutting you down and waking you up at the same time - especially when it’s a parent, child, spouse, or someone you’re deeply bonded to. No one talks about how it renders you stuck. You stop moving, lie still, and while your breath is still in your body, there’s no will or motivation to move.
Time stood still for a while after I lost my dad. Rising to the day was a challenge. I knew I had to get up at some point, but it was just hard, man. Oddly, I wasn’t sad. I was numb. My body felt heavy.
How does one go on with the reality that the foundation you’ve always known to be solid has been shattered? My mom and dad had been a permanent constant in my life until… well, until I had to wake up to a world where he no longer existed - a world I wasn’t prepared to face.
To add to it, the day he left, the whole world celebrated with red, hearts, and love symbols. Of course, for me, everything just went dark and faded to black - not a heart in sight.
But time and deep reflection have lifted the darkness, thankfully. Light has emerged, and acceptance has begun to settle.
I used to think it was odd and strange that he died on Valentine’s Day, but now it makes sense. He left a message behind, and love has come full circle.
The Imprint of a Life Well-Lived
Parental love, when it’s good for you, has a profound effect and leaves an imprint on your heart. My dad certainly left an imprint on mine. I’ve asked myself a few important questions: Who was he for me? Who was he for others? For my mom? Who was he as a husband? As a man of faith? As a man of God? And how did he celebrate with our family? How did he treat others?
He was undoubtedly a caring man, sometimes to a fault. He loved his family and his community. For all of us, he lived.
If there’s one thing I’ve taken from all this reflection, it’s that his life was meaningful. Purposeful. He was the greatest champion of them all.
So when I wake up now and ask myself, why were you stuck? The answer is clear. I thought I had lost something - my champion, the champion of champions.
But if I look at the deeper truth, I haven’t lost at all. I’ve gained - from his presence, his heart, and his unwavering, unconditional love for all of us. He and my mom were connected for my very existence. And if I take his legacy and marry it with purpose, what next could be accomplished that continues to make him proud?
How to Live with the Loss
“If you love something, you let it hurt you and never regret it.”
They say that the pain lessens over time - but I believe that with a love this profound, it’ll always stay with me, it’s how I live with it that changes. It’s the perspective I have around it that makes the pain bearable - worth it.
Every day, I carry a piece of him with me. It’s in the way I approach life, in the way I treat others, and in the values he instilled in me. His wisdom echoes through my thoughts, reminding me to stay grounded in what truly matters.
And so amidst the death, and amidst the pain, I found what it took to live and make it mean something.
The Curious Thing About Grief
Grief has been such a curious thing. It shut me down a few times, but over time, it has kicked me into gear.
Actress Regina King said, “Grief is love with nowhere to go.” But I’ve come to know that grief is to have loved and been loved so deeply that loss kicks you off your feet. It’s the final act of love there is.
If we embrace all of it - the stillness, anger, denial, sadness, weeping, and indescribable pain - and celebrate the person, in due time, we’ll find purpose in grief.
Because what a privilege it is that God chose you to have an experience of that kind of love in life.
It’s a bold, glaring sign that I’m living. We’re living.
To all who’ve lost someone dear, take heart. You are living in the legacy of that love. And as long as you carry it forward, the love never truly dies. It evolves, it flourishes, and it continues to impact the world.
So, as I continue my own journey, I carry with me the lesson that life is short, and love is long. And just as my father lived to love, I’ll continue to live with the love he left behind.
Here’s to the champions of our hearts, those who continue to inspire us even when they’re no longer physically with us. They never truly leave. They live on in the love they’ve given — and in the lives they’ve touched.