It was a delight to meet Dee Marshall. Our paths crossed at the Women’s Empowerment Expo in March of 2009 where over 20,000 women gathered. Dee and I happened to worked together on a panel discussing the topic of women in transition. We fell madly with each other’s vision and the things we’re collectively doing in the world. I simply had no doubt after meeting Dee and talking with her that we were soul mates in this quest to empower women.
What you should know about Dee is she is amazing!
She’s passionate, she’s on fire and wants to best for those she encounters. To name a few media appearances this month Dee is on Fox 5 My 9 a local network in the New York Metro area talking about women in the workplace. She’s appearing in Black Enterprise’s motivation page this month discussing the power of visioning and is a regular on TV One’s Makeover Manor airing on Wednesdays at 10am.
I took some time to just talk with Dee up close and personal. Dee is a warm spirit with a vision bigger than life. She spoke about how she derived at such a powerful vision and starting her company, Raise the Bar.
We all go through tough times and Dee is not exception; however it how she used the seasonal tough time to bring herself into her own divine spirit and purpose.As simple as it may seem, on a day unexpected, someone Dee knew paid her a compliment and it was a compliment that altered her view of herself and life. It was cause for reflection; reflection that took her down a path in which she could never return. Dee found that place within which changed her life and she’s shares it all with you in hopes her story of transformation will too change yours.
I invite you to set some time aside, prepare your favorite hot drink and listen in on this candid but educational talk with Dee Marshall and I. She shares invaluable advice for those pursuing purpose and the important steps which unveil your true vision along with two very powerful quotes she lives by.
Enjoy this talk with my newest friend and partner in empowering women worldwide, Dee Marshall.
By the time this article reaches your eyes I will be Chicago.
I began dreaming of this move when I spent a month with my family in the summer of 2000. There was something in the air that made me want to come back again my senior year in high school for Christmas. It was at 17 I decided that I was going to move to this city. In 2007, I had the chance to navigate the city in a late Chicago winter through downtown which reaffirmed this was where I wanted to be. It was the perfect dose of city and cultural neighborhoods I craved.
So, last month I sat down with my notebook and planned my move. It’s definitely not the most practical move; I’m still unemployed and little savings. You’re probably thinking are you sure you want to do this? Darn skippy. I’ve already received the concerned parent speech. I’ve considered all the things that can go wrong, right, backwards, and forwards. I’ll only be 23 next month, why not take a chance? If it doesn’t work I can always come home, even though I cringe at the thought.
My plan will unravel in time and of course I’ll share this with you all. When you get the urge to do something and feel that it’s right (despite nerves), then you have to go through with it. I have no idea what’s going to happen. It’ll be a change dealing with two homeschooled cousins, a stay at home mom, and an aging uncle.
I’m excited and this is probably the most excitement since I began teaching. I think we’re entitled to excitement in moderated doses, for me it’s every 6 months. If I were given the opportunity to plan out my move again, I probably would, but if I turn back now I think I’d fail myself. It’s not that I don’t think I couldn’t do it, I’d be afraid to take a chance.
In my whole planning process I’ve learned a few things. First, I learned to follow the Nike motto “Just Do It.” Second, I learned to plan according to my wants and needs. For example, if I wanted an apartment as soon as I got to the Chicago I would’ve planned it that way. My plan was an escape plan that has an emphasis on a fight or flight response. Third, I consider all possibilities what can go wrong or right, this is just so I could stay grounded and really make my plan work. Lastly, I asked for help, special thanks to my uncle and aunt for letting me crash at their house.
Many young people my age are packing up and moving with their dreams to guide them. I guess this is what your 20s are about. You make moves and pay for them later, good or bad.
I feel ready, except for Chicago winters which no Southerner will ever be prepared for.
A few weeks ago I was getting ready for an interview for TV and I noticed that I was a little nervous. For me that’s normal so I kind of brushed it to the side and went on to do the segment. After the interview was complete, my mind was going faster than a NASCAR at the weekend race. I couldn’t stop my brain from spinning about what had just happened. All of sudden I could hear the critical voice in my head. But My God, how did it really go? My husband called me immediately and said honey you are really good, you really should consider doing something on TV. Then a colleague called and said, WOW, you were really good. I watched it three times to make sure. You really were. Why couldn’t I hear my husband and colleague clearly?
The most dominating voice was mine still, Jesus how many people watched it? Was my hair in place? Had I said the right thing? Did the message come across? What will people think? Did I have an impact? That voice was clear so I stopped for a minute to listen more carefully. I recognized it because I’d heard it before. And while it initially sounded like mine, it was that of an old teacher when I was younger who marked my paper with red ink. I don’t remember her name, but I do remember having to go to a special class because she said I needed additional assistance in school. She gave me a pretty extensive lesson in doing things the "right way." What an impact I could’ve allowed that past moment to make. The funny thing about the voice is it was clear and it seemed very real, but there wasn’t a physical being there talking with or to me. No one was with me at the time.
Most of us think what we say about ourselves is the truth and particularly the negative things. The moment of power was when I could choose how to relate to the thoughts and opinions. I first recognized and acknowledged it was a past moment speaking as if it was relevant to the present moment. The voice was not mine nor was there any truth to the opinions being shared in the moment.
Where the power lies is in how you react or relate to your negatives thoughts about yourself or life in general.
I then chose a different path of thinking. I chose to embrace my own power, my ability to share passionately and give a message that people can embrace on or off TV. I could then really "hear" and enjoy the raving fans and the accolades being given for such a wonderful interview.
How many of you having an internal critical voice that shares opinionated views about your life whether solicited or unsolicited? How do you choose to react or relate to those thoughts? Powerfully or Helplessly? You do have a choice! What IS your choice?
The Power, Lives Within You and It’s Always Been There!
A sought-after speaker, career and business coach, TVOne Makeover Manor Life Coach Dee Marshall is the founder of Raise The Bar, LLC a coaching, training and development practice dedicated to helping women achieve their career and life goals and realize their full potential. Her practice focus is life skills and soft-skills, helping individuals to self-discover, clarify values and discover their passions. Her challenge to women is seek meaning and purpose for your life, develop yourself personally and professionally and strive for continuous growth.
She is the producer of “Women Raising The Bar ” a themed development conference for women and creator of other Raise The Bar, LLC brands The Women’s Network , Raise A Book, Raise The Bar , The “D” Factor , E Page 221 and The Entrepreneur’s Roundtable.
Marshalls’ speaking and coaching credits span from the larger conference circuit to women’s ministries to College and University campuses. In 2006 she was a featured guest coach for Essence Magazine Women Who Are Shaping The World. In the same year she began career coaching hundreds of women passing through Women For Hire career events; her keynote addresses include Progressive Achievers Women Of Power, Newark Women’s Conference, New Jersey State Parole Board Offender Reentry, Howard University John H. Johnson School of Communication, Strive National Job Training Initiative any many more.
Marshall not only has a passion for inspiring, motivating and challenging women to be their best, she is an active member of First Baptist Church of Lincoln Gardens. As a community servant, she sits on the Board of Directors for both the YWCA Central New Jersey, Women’s Center for Education and Career Advancement, Public Allies New York and on the Advisory Board of Dress For Success Newark. In addition to her work in the community, Marshall’s professional memberships include the International Coach Federation (ICF) New York Chapter, American Society of Training & Development (ASTD), National Association of Female Executives (NAFE), and National Sales Network New York/New Jersey Chapter.
Lately, one of the things that keeps coming up to me is controls issues I observe in people. It seems to be more prevalent now than ever before. As our world swirls with changes in our economy, our climate and talk about the year 2012, control over everything else is the talk of the day. Control is a funny thing. The more you try and control things the less control you have. Control is a heavy hard hand.
Are you a controlling person? Most people who are would say that they aren’t. A common answer would be that they just like things to run smoothly. What they mean is that they want the people in their life to be or act a certain way. If you want a clue if you are this type of person take a look at your life and you will get your biggest tip-off. Stress will rule your days with a capitol S. You will stress if your lunch is not served quickly enough. You will stress if your daughter is not acting a certain way and stress if she is because you always think something is awry. You will stress if someone frowns or laughs too much. You will stress if you have heartburn, thinking you are having a heart problem.
Relaxing and slowing down is not an option for you. You think lightheartedness is a waste of time. You don’t sleep well. You may startle easily. Someone comes around the corner and you jump out of your skin. Basically what I am saying to you is the tighter you hold on, the more of a pressure vise you put yourself in? It is way beyond time to chill out a little as the saying goes.
You can control a car or control a dog’s behavior with training but you cannot, and I mean cannot, control other people. You just think you can! While you think you are controlling that man of yours, he is doing a lot to get back at you with passive aggressive behavior. The more you try and control people, the more ways they will find to resist that control.
There is another funny fact about control. You would think you would feel better when you are controlling your environment and all the people in it. But, you don’t feel any better and it doesn’t improve your life. It also makes everyone around you miserable because they know they don’t measure up in your eyes. They feel criticized and put down. They resent it! Your relationships are in trouble. When was the last time you felt true compassion and understanding instead of irritation, anger, aggravation and worry?
When you expect the best from someone and applaud every success, you will create a situation of shared energy vibration that says you love and approve of them. It is important to look at all the good. If you are trying to control everything around you, you are anticipating and seeing only the negatives. You then start to attract more events into your life that will push your controlling hot buttons.
Pry your grip worn fingers slowly off the control switch and just let go. Your world will not fall apart. In fact, everything will slowly start to improve. Love will be easier to express both from you and to you. Allow the people in your life to be who they are. Accept them and all their imperfections and faults. News Flash! You have them too! Acceptance is a practice that will take you spiritually further than just about anything I can suggest.
Take a look at your life and all that you are trying to control. Is it working? If you are honest you will say absolutely not. If that is the case then maybe a different approach to life would be called for. Allow life to flow like water and find its own level. The good news is that you can control your communion and connection to God, instantly. There is no waiting. Ask God to show you how to let go of all the control issues so you can come spiritually alive. God is the answer and always will be. So the next time someone doesn’t take out the trash in a timely manner or traffic gets a little hairy…just let go!
Let Go And Let God!
Now for a little story. There was a man who fell off a cliff and as he slipped and fell he caught onto some roots of a tree that were sticking out of the cliff. He was hanging on for dear life a thousand feet up. He started to pray for God to save him. He was not ready to die in this horrible way. He saw a bright white light and heard God’s voice tell him to let go and that He would catch him. The man thought for a few seconds and said, “Is there anyone else up there?” My point is to just let go. This is just something to think about.
