Archive for the 'Your Spiritual Self' Category
by Rev. Lady Diannia Baty
When things in our life don’t go our way many of us begin to doubt ourselves, lose faith, give up or get depressed. Especially in an economy like the one we are in right now, it is important to remember that regardless of what unfolds before you that you will be ok. You will absolutely will be just fine.
The path my life has taken has proven to me that the things in our life we often see as obstacles or setbacks are really just the universe’s way of guiding us toward our highest fulfillment. Looking back on all of the frustrating and seemingly horrible things that have happened in my life, I wouldn’t trade an ounce of it because I know that it has brought me to where I am today. I can now stand in awe of how intelligent the whole process was, knowing that if things had always gone the way that I planned, hoped for or wanted that I would be nowhere near as happy or fulfilled as I am right now.
When things aren’t going your way remember that it is merely guidance. Trust that the universe has your best interest in mind and trust it to guide you and take care of all of your needs. When you open yourself to the universe’s wisdom and abundance you can achieve more spectacular things than you could ever imagine.
My faith that all will be well no matter how it may appear at the moment has carried me far in life. I trust God and God trusts me to understand the guidance I am being given. I am being offered a course correction at any given moment and through free will it is up to me as to what I do with it. No matter what choices I make I am always given knowledge from the event or situation if I look for it. The gift of experience always presents itself to me.
The Success Equation
We’ve heard it all a million times: the various secrets of how to manifest lives of abundance. Every “Guru” has their own angle; a singular approach to manifesting that we’ve all tried. And yet, in spite of the countless Gurus offering books, programs, products, etc that espouse the “secret to manifesting” we are in the biggest Global economic and well-being crisis since the Great Depression. What does that say? That somehow we, as brilliant and intelligent human beings have failed the “secrets” that have been taught to us? I know this is not true.
And yet, as a Life Success Coach, I have countless talented individuals come to me saying that there must be something seriously wrong with them because they have diligently applied the principles of affirmations, positive thinking, visualization and The Law of Attraction and yet they just can’t get the “truth in manifesting” to work for them. They come to me believing that they haven’t found a way to fix their character flaws or their lower selves in order to “allow” in abundance.
The truth is that everyone already has within them the ability to manifest lives of Sustainable Success. Sustainable Success is lasting and fulfilling abundance. “Sustainable Success” is created through applying an equation and not any one singular thing. There are three key factors that form the basis of the equation:
1. Defining what Abundance and Success is for you. Not adopting some outside opinion or value that isn’t consistent with the core of who you are, but identifying the definition that is representative of your own values.
2. Applying ALL aspects of yourself in the manifestation process that means accepting the TOTALITY of who you inherently are as a human being. Each of us is a perfect blend of ingredients that when used together create the perfect recipe for success. If we only use one or a few of the ingredients in the recipe, the dish doesn’t turn out successfully.
3. Understanding that you cannot have true success without spiritual well-being. One without the other will serve to prevent sustainability of any success that you may initially create for yourself.
The definition process in #1 is essential before you can successfully begin to create Sustainable Success. If you can’t define what success or abundance is, you won’t be able to achieve it. Too many people think that a definition is a desired tangible object. One must define success based upon the essence of the thing or things that you want to achieve for yourself.
Question: ‘HOW DO YOU DEFINE SUCCESS?’
What is your definition? Take the time to develop your own definition. When using words like: Happiness, be sure to define what that means for you too. Too many of us are in the practice of using words that identify what we want to achieve and we don’t even have definitions for them.
All of us have within us emotional, rational, intellectual and creative bodies. And, we all seek to achieve security and recognition in our lives. Thus, to disown any one part or natural expression of ones self is literally to disconnect from ourselves. If we disconnect and identify any one part as “bad” we are not utilizing all of our divine natural gifts and talents. We all have areas that we feel we are strongest in; but we can strengthen those other areas with practice and by creating a community around us that supports our journey. To force ourselves not to have certain thoughts, or to think of any aspect of ourselves as “negative parts” that need to be gotten rid of is the ultimate act of self-injury and doesn’t provide the self acceptance that is necessary in manifesting the wealth and well-being that we all desire to achieve.
It is in the acceptance of ourselves as inherently whole and managing a balanced interplay between all components of ourselves that successfully achieves sustainable abundance. Balancing inspiration with perspiration; emotion with reason; being in the now while keeping an eye to the future and having the wisdom to reflect on the past but not dwell on it; dreaming up a dream and developing and implementing a plan to make that dream a reality; deciding what wealth and well-being is to you and knowing that wealth is not sustainable or fulfilling without well-being. This all equals utilizing the sum of all parts of yourself for the achievement of long-term successful and fulfilling outcomes.
The plan for life would seem so complicated but it is in truth simple if you examine it closely. If your life isn’t going the way you want it to then be honest with yourself and you will see how you believe in something that does not fit what the truth is. What is your truth, your authentic truth? Find your voice and celebrate the perfection that you are. God has your back and always has. This is a truth to put into your mental memory bank and keep it at the forefront of your daily life. God has and always will desire your greatest and highest good. This is just something to think about.
March 30 2010 | Other Useful Articles and Power Boost: April 2010 and Your Spiritual Self | 1 Comment »
By Rev. Diannia Baty
There is a sticky spider web of untruth and perception about being a spiritual leader and I want to correct it hopefully once and for all. There are many misconceptions about spiritual leaders, life coaches, ministers, therapists
and anyone else who is leading, counseling and assisting others to improve their lives. The biggest one I find is that we are perceived as having no problems or emotions that are negative. We are supposed to instantly heal any situation and move on like Pollyanna ignoring anything at all that has blocked our path in any way and be totally blissful every moment of the day. Are you kidding me?
I would like to know where in what book does it say that? I would also like to know where it came from and I think I have the answer. Many of us in these types of chosen paths put forth a misconception that life is perfect for us and I am here to tell you that it is not true. In fact if you have had a life where you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, had perfect parents and an idyllic life with no problems and issues, then you are not really qualified to give real advice and counsel to others. If your advice comes from reading books and going to classes and getting a degree and nothing else then what you are offering to others is not authentic. If you are telling others that you never have an issue to overcome then you are not being real.
I would never go to a marriage counselor if they had never been married. I would never go to a life coach who had never overcome difficulties in their own lives. I think you are getting the picture.
Life experience is what it is all about. The more bad stuff someone else has overcome and risen above, the better and that includes those who are helping others to do the same. We all have days of frustration, anger, disappointment and sadness. It is the human condition and life is just that way. Some of us find our own way out of it. Some of us take longer than others to move ahead. Some of us leapfrog ahead and move on. The only way out of any given situation is through it.
Yesterday I received a call from a young woman who is a leader in her field and a life coach and she was having some problems and needed spiritual counsel. During our conversation she told me that she had shared her feelings with someone who gave her some guff about it. It seems this person thought that she should never have such issues at all because she is a life coach. I repeat are you kidding me?
I have had ministers and members of the clergy come to me for assistance and guidance for their problems all the time. One pastor was so overcome with family problems that he was considering leaving his church. He told me that he had to be very careful who he talked to because his congregation would go right for the jugular if they saw any sign of weakness. I explained to him that I felt it was false thinking to believe this. I said that if he had done his job well with the teachings of compassion and love that his church members would rally around him and to give them a chance to show him what they were made of. I encouraged him to take a leap of faith and share his sorrow and anxiety with them.
The following Sunday he did just that within the guidelines of his sermon, he went for it. He called me later and told me it was stunning what happened. There was such an outpouring of love that it overwhelmed him. He became more real to all of them as he revealed his humanity with all its twists and turns. What he thought was a weakness turned out to be strength. There was no judgment from anyone as they rallied around him to help. He had taught them well and today he is still leading his congregation.
Some time ago one of the members of my class told me that she envied me being so calm and peaceful all the time. I immediately corrected her impression of me. I told her that I also went through the gamut of emotions and thoughts that everyone else does. She was taken aback. I explained to her that being a strong spiritual person did not automatically mean that you never had any problems to overcome. I explained to her that the difference is that most of the time you just move on quicker and more powerfully using spiritual practices to get back to the place of peace and joy. I reminded her that every spiritual person regardless of title has issues to overcome. Jesus, our greatest spiritual teacher of all time went through periods of doubt, sadness, anger and disappointment. He had help and guidance from God and he always went to the right source for assistance. He did not go it alone ever.
It took me a long time to finally arrive at a place to know that my creator is there always and had never left me because I am one with God and the universe. It was the way I was created to be even if at an earlier time in my life I did not know this. I am also one with every single person. Many times in the past when I thought God had abandoned me it was in fact me who had exited stage left…not God.
I do not have infinite energy to do everything. I get tired. I do not have all the answers and I will be learning as I study and teach. It is a never-ending journey. The minute I have arrived and think I am a bag of chips and then some I had better start all over because the universe will show me that I am not all that. I strive hard to remain strong and not allow my ego to overcome me. It is a daily struggle and learning process. I share openly with all of you my life, struggles and upsets. I also share the victory, triumphs and joys.
Every so often I get caught up in the spider web of life experience and I also struggle to get free and I always get free.
Just as the saying goes, I put my pants on one leg at a time.
I am human. I burp. I eat too much sometimes. I get gas. I snore. The occasional swear word may cross my lips. I leave my bed unmade most of the time unless company is coming. I forget an appointment. My dog, Hector has to remind me to feed him when I get caught up in writing. I get frustrated and angry at the hate and ugliness in this world. I cry when I see an animal or a child mistreated on a television show. The commercials to promote their cause tear at my heart. There is nothing I love better than a great burger and fries but I eat it sparingly. My skin is dry but my hair and nails are great. My stomach is not flat and never will be. I detest panty hose and will do anything to get out of wearing them. My eyesight is poor without my glasses.
Some of my body parts are moving south as I get older and I am okay with it. I may let my car get to four thousand miles before an oil change instead of the recommended three. I may even scratch myself in public if I can get away without being seen. When I go see a movie I drop popcorn everywhere. I am human. I repeat I am human.
So I am not perfect, never said I was but one thing is for sure. One thing that I am clear about is that I am a spiritual being having a human experience not the other way around. Every time I think I am not too good at this human stuff I remind myself that I am real good at this spiritual stuff and that is what sustains me.
This is just something to think about!
You can see more of Diannia’s work at www.makeachoicenow.com and at www.myspiritletters.com . You can contact her directly at ladydiannia@makeachoicenow.com
March 01 2010 | Other Useful Articles and Power Boost: March 2010 and Your Spiritual Self | No Comments »
By Lady Diannia Baty
A few years ago I had an opportunity to meet a young woman who owned a bull named “Tiny.” Trust me when I tell you there wasn’t a thing tiny about him. He was massive. He was also spoiled and was her mode of transportation instead of a horse. Talk about thinking out of the box. She also owned a car but when everyone said lets go riding, she would saddle up Tiny and off she would go. The horses gave this bull a wide berth and it was okay for all concerned even though she took a lot of ribbing for it.
Before the ride started this particular day I asked her what I am sure many people have asked her before and that was why a bull instead of a horse? She told me that when she was young on their farm her father and her brothers rode bulls and would not let her because she was a girl. She told herself that one day she would have one of her own and that she hated being told that she couldn’t do certain things because she was female. She raised Tiny since he was born and loved him fiercely. I admired her for moving past the conditioning that her family tried to give her. They had been taught that women and girls did not do certain things and so they in turn taught the same thing. That is how so many of us grow up with certain beliefs because of what others are telling us is true and so we go forward and tell others the same thing.
Our conditioning and our beliefs determine how difficult or smooth our spiritual path may be. It is vital that we examine what we think is true and why? Our beliefs can take us way off track spiritually, physically and emotionally if we do not examine the validity of what we think.
For this young woman who never lost track of the desire to own and ride her own bull. it became a reality. She never had the thought that it would not come true. If she had taken on the belief that girls just did not ride bills she would have never realized her dream.
Few people are aware of the thoughts that pass through their minds. Thinking is performed like a habit, in an automatic manner. If the thoughts are positive, it is good, but if they are negative it can lead to trouble in your life.
The mind is like a small child, who accepts and takes for granted whatever it sees or hears, without judgment and without considering the consequences. If you let your mind behave as it likes and give it total rein and freedom, you lose your freedom. We are constantly flooded with thoughts, ideas and information coming through the five senses and even through the sixth sense of intuition. In fact it has been told to us that on average we have about sixty thousand thoughts a day. We also get information through other people and the media. These thoughts, ideas and information penetrate the mind whether we are aware if it or not.
This outside flow of information messes with our behavior and reactions. It influences the way we think, our preferences, likes and dislikes. It creates prejudice and judgment. It creates fear, worry and doubt. This means that we let outside powers shape our very life.
Where is the freedom in that?
Most people think and believe their thoughts originate from them but have you ever stopped to consider if your thoughts, desires, beliefs and likes or dislikes are really yours? Are they completely original? If there is no filter to process the thoughts that come from the mind, there is no freedom. All your actions become like a puppet on a string, though few will admit it, thus becoming carbon copies of an organization, of outmoded beliefs and ideas or of someone else and how they act and think and believe.
You may object to this and say that the thoughts that pass through your mind are yours, but are they?
Have you deliberately created every thought that entered your mind? Why let outside influences control your mind and life. Why be a slave to other people’s thoughts? Do you want to make your mind free with the gift of free will that was encoded into your very being by your creator or do you prefer to enslave it to others peoples opinions and ideas?
If you leave your mind open to every thought that passes by, you put your life in other people’s hands and without realizing it you accept their thoughts and act in accordance with them. Where is your original thought?
Everybody is susceptible to certain kinds of thoughts than others. Certain thoughts and ideas we usually ignore and others spur us to immediate action. Thoughts concerning subjects we love have more power on us than other thoughts, but even thoughts and ideas we don’t care for, if we are frequently exposed to them; may eventually sink into our subconscious mind and influence us.
Everybody has desires, ambitions, and dreams that he or she may foster from childhood. They may be the thoughts of parents, teachers or friends and have lodged in our minds and are carried around throughout our lives. Are they necessary? Do you need all this excessive baggage?
Think about all the negative stuff that other people pile on us. Maybe it is a dad who bitterly tells his young son that women are bad due to a divorce. His son may grow up thinking that all women are bad and have horrible relationships because of it. It could be the obsessive mother who tells her young daughter that a house has to be spotless and this young girl grows up thinking an unmade bed is sinful. I could go on and on with the list. My mother told me that no matter what your husband may do you should always bow to his wishes right or wrong. I can’t begin to tell you how much grief that caused me in my earlier life until I finally knew that this was the way she thought and was not my truth at all.
In order to reduce the power of outside influences and thoughts in your life, you need to be aware of what is coming into your mind and ask yourself if it is true, if you like it or not, does it feel good to you and are you willing to accept it as a fact? In illness not being aware of your thoughts will make you sicker if you are listening to everyone out there and their ideas about your illness. Newly pregnant mothers are scared half to death when they listen without qualifying the information what other women who have given birth tell them.
You do not have to accept each and every thought, idea or information. Think and find out if you entertain certain thoughts because you decided to do so, or because they popped into your head due to outside influences.
It is not easy to be fully aware and with your thoughts. It takes practice and a desire to live an authentic life and to be unique. You mind may revolt over the control as it is not used to it. If you want to be the master of your own life, you should not let other people’s thoughts, desires and motives rule your life…unless you choose to. It is about choice,your choice. When you were created you were so incredible and unique. Are you still unique?
Are you blossoming into your full potential and using your mind all on your own? Do you trust your own thoughts or is it just more comfortable to go with popular thought?
When you put your spiritual practices fully into your life of gratitude and staying in the now, It becomes easier until pretty soon you are the driver of your mind not just a passenger. This is just something to think about.
www.makeachoicenow.com website
ladydiannia@carolina.rr.com e-mail
January 31 2010 | P3 Circles of Life and Power Boost: February 2010 and Spiritual / Metaphysical and Your Spiritual Self | No Comments »
by Rev. Diannia Baty
There I was trapped in many dark nights of the soul. Everything in my life felt like purgatory. The only color I saw was gray. All the vivid color of my life was gone. I felt no joy, no peace and laughter was something I only remembered. I was just getting through my days and endless nights of no sleep.
Damn, the driver of that car that changed everything in my life in the blink of an eye. It had been over a year. Sherry, my best friend of many years came to pick me up to go on one of our many lunch and shopping excursions. It was a Saturday and the weekend was ahead of me to do whatever I wanted to do. I was flying high from another successful week at my new job. I had become a shining star in just five months at this new position.
I could do no wrong. I had found my niche in sales. I had earned a big new office with a mahogany desk and a very plush chair. I even had a view. I was feeling pretty satisfied with myself and my life. I was fearless in my approach in sales and all my talents were serving me well. I guess you could say I had become very cocky. I had it all…a good job…a nice house…nice car…I was young and I had my health. According to what I had been taught, I should be content but I felt empty many late nights wondering what was keeping me up. I felt like I was longing for something I couldn’t put my finger on. It was an itch I couldn’t scratch no matter what I did to try and fill the void. I had talked to God many times about this and asked for an answer. I talked to God in conversational tones because to me praying had seemed uncomfortable. I never really felt that God heard me. I was about to discover that I was heard every time. I was always complaining to God and never talked to God when things were going great.
I was about to learn that change is a constant. You cannot avoid it. This is one of the absolute truths of life. I was also about to learn that the answer I prayed for was on its way just not in the way I expected. If anyone had told me that I would look back on this catastrophic event and see the blessing of it, I would have told them they were crazy.
There is an old saying in order to get a mule to move you have to get its attention and in my case a two by four was needed. I guess you could say my life would soon resemble a jigsaw puzzle that had been dropped on the floor.
The driver ran a stop sign and her car hit the (yup, you guessed it) passenger side of the car. Did I say ouch? Sherry drove a very small car and if you want to guess again…it was a Triumph Spitfire. Oh joy of joys. I was in a tin can of a car and Bam! I had always driven big cars of substance because they always fared better in accidents or so I had been told. This time I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I had a second to react and I braced my right arm and right leg against the dash and the floor simultaneously. It was a real big mistake number one.
She was from Vietnam and looked to be about thirteen years old and there was a baby crying in the car loudly! She kept saying “I’m sorry”, over and over again and I told her to check on the child who was by this time screaming. The child was fine and she asked us not to call the police as she (yup, you guessed it) didn’t have a drivers license. The old beat up Buick she was driving looked like it had seen better days. It was a pitiful sight to behold.
She said her name was Hi or something like that. Her accent was strong and it was hard to understand her. There is one more thing. The car had (yup, you guessed it) no insurance. Along came the police car and an ambulance as both of us were messed up. I couldn’t walk. I kept falling down. Shall I go into the joys of the emergency room and the doctors and nurses who were noticeably absent? It was the weekend and they were short staffed.
Why is it that all the bad stuff happens on the weekend? Your dog gets sick on Saturday night or the air-conditioning breaks down on Saturday morning on a very hot weekend. Well as one Doctor put it “the good news is you are not going to die and the bad news is you are not going to die.” I guess he thought he was a regular comedian because he chuckled when he said it. I could tell by the nurse who rolled her eyes at his comment that this was something that he said all the time. I was not impressed.
The final word on everything was when I braced myself on impact I had really screwed everything up. I had some vertebra that had moved from their original positions and my right shoulder was frozen and some tendons were torn and my hips had torqued and twisted out of position to one side. Can you say OUCH?
After all the tests were done and a few days in the hospital they sent me home with pain killers and talk of surgery when all the swelling went down. I could walk with great difficulty and now my new job was gone. The doctors told me it would be a few months before I could return to work. A few months my sweet patootie! The painkillers made me groggy and cranky. In the following months the rounds of tests and office visits had taken its toll. I had no libido, no energy and a bad attitude. I was in pain all the time and my home became as messy as my thoughts.
My husband took off saying he couldn’t take it and I was alone with two dogs I couldn’t walk or play with. My poor babies were starved for attention but faithful companions. They were by my side every moment. They were patient with me and loving. I had no life. What I was about to find out was spiritually before the accident I had no life either. I just thought I did.
The year had passed slowly as time often does for those who are in any kind of pain physical, mental or spiritual and I was experiencing all three. A day to me seemed like a week. I was becoming bitter and it was becoming embedded in my voice and personality. I was wearing my victim stripes proudly. I blamed everyone and everything for my state of affairs. People didn’t like to be around me for long. When you throw a pity party, no one wants to come.
One of those dark panic-filed days wondering what was going to happen to me, I decided to go to one of those huge chain bookstores. You know, the kind that serves you over-priced fancy coffees and has bargain bin books to lure you into spending your cash.
It became my refuge. I spent hours there, drinking coffee and blazing through the books. I was drawn to the new age, metaphysical and spiritual books. One book recommended keeping a journal as a way of recording the spiritual journey. That is when I realized I was on a journey and it sure seemed spiritual to me. I purchased a good notebook and a fancy pen. Then I started meditation and the 180 degree turn had commenced. I had never learned how to be still and quiet the mind. It was intoxicating. I took less and less of the pain killers and told the doctors no surgeries.
The transformation was intense and beautiful. The color was coming back into my life. I had always been an artist but had never done anything with it. I started painting and drawing again and it was my best work ever thus far. I had always written when I was a young girl to escape the pain of a horrible dysfunctional childhood. I started writing more and more and felt such joy in it. I knew it was one of the gifts my creator had given me. I felt more whole than I had ever felt.
Then one rainy night like something out of a Gothic novel, the wind was tearing up the landscape. The rain was coming down in sideways sheets. The zigzag bolts of light were filling up the sky and caused my dogs to hide under the bed. I decided to put on a cd of violin concertos. I was standing at a big window looking outside and the music was so haunting beautiful that I started to weep.
I was very moved. I mouthed the words, “Thank You.” That’s when I heard it. The words were startling clear. “You’re welcome!” I was overwhelmed because I knew instantly without any doubts that the voice I heard was God. It was thousands of voices yet one voice soft and firm with a message for me. This force…this power was speaking to me. So this is what real happiness and joy feels like, I thought. I had never felt it before. Later on I knew that it was my sincere expression of gratitude that brought this experience to me.
What had happened to me is the incredible blessing of direct contact with my creator. The accident changed my life and I am now dedicated to teaching others how to change their perceptions of their lives and how to understand and know God.
I study quantum mechanics, theology, cellular biology, philosophy, other spiritual teachers and their work. I became ordained and I am now a published writer, author and accomplished artist. I am a public speaker and a workshop facilitator. I am also a life coach and I am living my purpose and my path.
Who would have ever thought that a car accident could propel all this? Gods’ voice is soft yet strong. You can hear God in so many ways. Are you listening? Yes, God has a sense of humor. He made a silk purse of a sow’s ear but first he had to get my attention. I had asked for more meaning in my life and wanted to know what my purpose was and I got the answers. God used the two by four that was necessary to get my attention. I asked and I received and I have learned to listen for God’s guidance. It had been there all along.
I keep going back to gratitude and how it changed my life and my path so profoundly. I know the energy of the practice of gratitude can turn anything around. It is a daily practice with me.
I now see the blessing of the accident that changed my life and put me firmly on my spiritual path. I now understand that when you practice gratitude you become a living breathing prayer in action. What I am attracting into my life now is amazing and nothing short of a miracle. This is just something to think about.
Check out Lady Diannia’s websites at www.makeachoicenow.com and www.myspiritletters.com . You can email her at ladydiannia@makeachoicenow.com
January 05 2010 | P3 Circles of Life and Power Boost: January 2010 and Your Spiritual Self | No Comments »
By Rev. Diannia Baty
You can only attract the people, things, and events that match the quality and intensity of your beliefs about yourself. That’s why being gentle with yourself is a pre-requisite for conscious creators. You can visualize and affirm all you want, but if in your heart you aren’t worthy, you aren’t receiving.
If you want to let the good stuff in, stop beating yourself up no matter what.
Criticizing yourself, beating yourself up, feeling sorry for yourself, and being disappointed in your own behavior is not virtuous, honorable, or productive in any way. If you do it on a regular basis, you’ve been taught to believe that negative feedback is an effective way to motivate change.
That kind of thinking was taught to you by those who didn’t know any better than to make you feel worse so they could feel better. They did their job well because you sub-consciously believe that if you can make yourself feel bad enough, you’ll do better.
Fortunately, that’s not how it works. Negative feedback creates avoidance behavior, not inspired behavior. Otherwise, the only way we can be successful is by not making ourselves miserable!
Self criticism is a primal form of invalidation, and humans need validation at the most primal level in order to thrive. Decision making, creative thinking, intuition, and higher comprehension are most efficient when the self feels good about itself.
Getting upset with yourself has devastating effects on your self esteem. it creates enormous resentment, resistance, frustration, and jealousy that causes you to
sabotage your own best efforts. It fills you with stress hormones and inhibits your creativity. It sucks the energy right out of you and it feels bad. Self criticism is self defeating.
Biologically, criticism sends a danger signal to your nervous system that puts you into “fight or flight” mode just as effectively as a bear chasing you through the woods. While the situation with the bear will resolve itself rather quickly, emotional stress and trauma goes on and on.
During “flight or flight” mode, your body slows down cellular growth and repair, digestive and immunity functions, and higher cognitive processes in order to give priority to the mid-brain, glands, and muscles that help you run faster and climb higher to escape
the bear. No wonder our shoulders hurt and our legs are restless when we can’t climb a tree to escape the danger!
Self criticism actually makes you sick. You can’t focus, relax, digest, sleep, or shift your energy as well as you can as when you feel good about yourself. That’s why choosing to feel good about yourself, no matter what, is the most important Practice you can undertake. It also requires the most courage!
A Brief Criticism of Criticism
Authority figures love to use criticism to disarm their enemies and control people. Whoever the authorities are for you, if you criticize yourself, you have learned to
do the work for them. Your energy, enthusiasm, attractiveness, joyfulness, intelligence, sensuality, sense of humor— whatever—is no longer a threat to them because they have conditioned you to need them to tell you if you are worthy or not. They pulled your plug, and most of the good stuff you do manage to attract goes down the drain because you don’t believe you have suffered or sacrificed enough to deserve it.
But take heart. If you beat yourself up for any reason, if you criticize and second guess yourself to the point of distraction, if you are depressed because things aren’t working out for you, it’s ok. It’s not your fault.
None of it is your fault. Start concentrating on all your good qualities. There are more of them than you realize. They are just buried under all yourself doubt.
If you want to make a real and lasting change in how you feel, you’ve got to turn off the self criticism and pity and choose to be gentle with yourself. And every time you do it you will be one step closer to matching the energy of your desires and attracting what you want.
This one change in your behavior, practiced consistently, will make the biggest improvement in the quality of your life-hands down, forward and backward, inside and out. I can’t say it enough!
You must be able to validate yourself if you want to thrive in a physical reality where people and things are constantly changing. Needing others to validate you is exhausting and it never works for very long.
You have to see yourself as worthy of what you want, by virtue of who you are, before you can have what you want. It is also self defeating to need validation from someone that you know will never give it. If you go to someone who puts you down and criticizes you every time you share something with them, then you just handed them the stick to beat you up again. I guess your arm is getting tired.
You may not realize it but airplanes are usually off course throughout their flights, yet they land at the right airport because the pilot (or auto-pilot) constantly corrects for drift. That’s what you have to shoot for—correcting your drift when your emotions tell you that you are off course so that you can land in an “I AM feeling good” airport.
When you are trying hard but miss the mark, remember that professional baseball players miss the ball most of the time, not to mention that great golfers usually hit above par. It’s the cumulative effect that pays dividends. You have to keep at it.
If, for example, you criticize yourself for smoking again after quitting five times, you will continue to repeat that pattern. But if you celebrate your good intentions and continue to believe that eventually you will quit for good, you will. If you give yourself permission to believe in yourself, even if you haven’t changed your behavior yet, you will stop beating yourself up as often.
Just this tiny bit of emotional relief, enjoyed every time you choose to land at the “I AM feeling good” airport instead of kicking yourself in the head, will build your self esteem and increase your chances to voluntarily and enthusiastically-change your behavior. Most importantly,you will expand your capacity for change.
Whoever taught you to feel bad about yourself, what they did to you and why they did it, isn’t important anymore. It was just who they were being, not who they are, so let it go and grab hold of the most important gift you can give yourself. Your life unfolds from that place inside you that either says you are worthy or you are not. “I AM Worthy” says you are letting the good stuff in, “I AM Not Worthy” says you are resisting and keeping the good stuff out.
Focus causes expansion. So focus on the fact that your Higher Self does not judge you. It is a part of you and wants you to have whatever you could possibly desire. So think of this Practice as a “get out of jail free” card.
You deserve it by virtue of who you are. Who you are being is temporary in every moment and can change as quickly as you allow it. Who you are, a part of God, never changes. Who you are being changes according to your beliefs about
yourself. Remembering this distinction is especially important when you want to be free of self-destructive behavior or addictions.
Another Thing
Wallowing in self pity can feel pretty good for a while, especially if it keeps you from having to get out there and face people. Pity parties and cluster dramas can feel like validation if others get upset with you. However, if you can work through your pain by sharing and ventilating and moving toward a constructive plan of action, more power to you!
But if cluster dramas are on your list of favorite things to do, you won’t be able to make real and lasting changes in how you feel until you break your dependency on the sympathetic energy of others. The good news is that if you aren’t beating yourself up, you won’t need their sympathy.
When you remember who you are, you know that enlightened and evolved people never sacrifice your self esteem to strengthen their own position. If someone tries to control you through complaints and criticism, remember it’s just who they are being, not who they are, and get on with your day.
Some Tips
When you start to feel bad because you…fell off the wagon, missed a deadline, forgot a meeting, didn’t exercise, said something stupid, hurt someone’s feelings, ran over a squirrel, didn’t get invited to something, spent too much money, ate fried food, or someone spat in your face—refuse to think one bad thing about yourself for any reason, no matter what you did or didn’t do.
When you calm down a bit, think about something that makes you happy for example, a good book, a pretty landscape, your grandchildren, your upcoming vacation or your best friend. If that bad feeling comes up again, stop it. Keep thinking about things that make you feel better. Over and over again, for as long as it takes.
This sounds simple but it can be really tough at first. Your old “beat yourself up” habits will surface a number of times. Just let that be OK too! The trick is not to criticize yourself about anything!!
If it seems impossible, try this until you get the feel for feeling better. Say to yourself, I am going to feel bad for one minute (or five if it’s really intense, but no longer).
After the moment of self punishment, sit down and write yourself a note about what you can do differently next time. What you are going for here is supportive, positive self coaching. Do not write about what you did wrong or how sorry you feel. None of that makes any difference because it’s over. What somebody else thinks about it doesn’t make any difference either because it’s over. They’ve probably forgotten about it by
now anyway and have gone back to dwelling on their own problems.
Write down straightforward information about what you can do differently next time. If you are worried whether or not you will do anything different next time or even convinced that you won’t, let it go. It doesn’t matter if you will or you won’t. You are just trying to diffuse the energetic connection between what happened and how you feel about yourself right now.
If there’s nothing you can do differently next time, then write about your favorite video game or something funny your friend said on the phone last night. Or write about your first kiss, or what it would feel like to win the lottery.
The point is to stop invaliding yourself and start feeling better. That’s it. That shift of energy from “I AM bad” to “I AM good” is all you are going for. If you can’t stop and write when bad feelings are rushing at you, then do what you can to distract yourself.
Imagine talking to your favorite teacher from the seventh grade who offered you some guidance or reassurance. If you don’t have a favorite teacher (parent, uncle, or neighbor) who used to make you feel accepted and treated you with respect, then make one up!
In time, all you’ll have to say to yourself is, “I’m not going to feel bad about this. I am going to be fine about this right now and for the rest of the day anyway.” It’s been said that we spend our adult years trying to get over our childhoods. But that’s not good enough for a conscious creator. To get what you want you have to outgrow your past and intentionally and continuously create your future.
Choosing to be gentle with yourself instead of beating yourself up is a big step in that direction. You are part of God and you are here to expand The Universe. There is nothing to judge and nothing to regret. So stop beating yourself up and let the good stuff in.
Now, hand over that stick!
This is just something to think about.
December 09 2009 | Other Useful Articles and P3 Circles of Life and Power Boost: December 2009 and Your Emotional Self and Your Spiritual Self | No Comments »
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