I have a friend who we’ll call Shelly. She and I met while we were fledgling writers in Los Angeles. I moved on several years ago and now she’s getting ready to leave Los Angeles as well. Although Shelly’s excited about her transition, she’s also a little bit down. You see, she wasn’t able to ‘make it’ as a writer in L.A. and she feels as though she let herself down.
Do what you love.
Shelly loved to write but she wasn’t able to translate that into a career. So now what? Well, what I’m about to say might rub some people the wrong way, but I’ll say it anyway. Maybe you shouldn’t quit your day job.
Doing what you love doesn’t have to mean doing it professionally. Doing what you love doesn’t mean it has to be your career. There are a variety of ways to fuel your passions.
In talking to Shelly, she took the do what you love mantra literally. She loved to write. She felt should be writing all day and making a living from it. If she wasn’t, she wasn’t a success. Meanwhile, she’s an award-winning property manager who enjoys her work. She is a success. Yet, that didn’t even register for her because she was so consumed with her rigid definition of writing success.
Doing what you love can manifest itself in a number of ways. As a writer, Shelly can fuel her passions by writing a blog, keeping a journal, writing freelance articles, writing for her church magazine or bulletin, writing poetry or trying her hand at writing a novel. There are a number of viable outlets for her. Likewise, a singer doesn’t have to be the next American Idol or a Platinum-selling artist. He can join the church choir or other choral group, become a regular at the local karoake club. If the passion is singing, then the goal should be to sing.
Now, your day job should be something you enjoy; it should be something you have an affinity for. You spend too many hours at work to hate it. Your ‘day job’ shouldn’t be something you endure until you get your big break.
All of us have been blessed with gifts. Some of us can find ways to join our passions and purpose with our professions. For the rest of us, the challenge is to look more broadly and find other ways to satisfy our talents and creativity.
There is great joy in just being true to self- of not worrying about what someone will think of you as you express what you really feel, think, believe, treasure or hope for. How refreshing it would be if we could be who we are all the time. This new-age characteristic, referred to as your authentic self, represents the place where your truth lives. It reflects your heart and who you are as you seek to exist in the world of your current reality: your family, friends, job/career and home.
Authentic living is a worthwhile goal. It involves moving toward the powerful integration of your inner world with your outward relationships. When you are being your authentic self, you are not only content to just be, but you are also allowing others to know who you are and what you can offer them.
How often have you been tempted to cover up your true identity- to literally mask your existence as though it was not acceptable? How often have you given a response based on what you thought the hearer wanted to hear rather than on what was in your heart to say. How often have you withheld or denied true thoughts in deference to some prevailing notion? You may be rejected or it may pave the way for something else- an even greater contribution. Perhaps it will provide the light of guidance and encouragement for the coming generations and the welcomed difference needed for the greater good.
A few decades ago, I remember a Sesame Street/Kermit the Frog song, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green’. The content of this song didn’t mean much then, but as I pull into the next station of my life, I understand that if green is the skin that you were born into then green is who you are. As the song further points out the wonderful attributes of green, it is ends with: “… I am green and it’ll do fine; it’s beautiful and I think it’s what I want to be.” Being your authentic self may not be easy initially, but like the lyrics of this song, it’s beautiful and right and who you’ll want to be.
As you embark on the next stage of the journey, commit to taking stock of your true feelings, your values and beliefs, your needs, passions and desires-exposing them and expressing them. Share them with your family, your friends and your colleagues. Let them shine as a beacon for the world so that the great qualities that they reflect will not be limited and withheld. Let others see and know the real you as you speak from your heart and from your authentic self. Let who you are be who you are being and help others do the same. Keep it real!
Brenda McCoy Hunter is a public speaker, trainer and the author of Answering the Call: Six Steps to Leadership and Service. Her flagship seminar, “Creative Horizons” focuses on succession leadership and offers an opportunity for pre-retirees to plan for success after their present job ends. She can be reached at 615-319-1223 www.BHunterassociates.com
Lori Ann Moscato and her husband Robert Moscato, Jr. are the Founders the Pay It Forward Fertility Foundation, while Lori currently serves as the foundation’s chair.
Lori was born and raised in Connecticut and in 1995 Lori and her family moved to North Carolina. She attended Meredith College and in 1999 graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration and a concentration in Marketing. Lori has always had a passion for healthcare and a love for helping others. After graduating Lori joined GlaxoSmithKline as a pharmaceutical sales representative. She had an exciting career in sales, marketing and professional relations. Shortly after Lori’s second child was born she became a stay at home mom.
Lori and Rob struggled with infertility for 2 years before going to the North Carolina Center for Reproductive Medicine. Dr. Sameh K. Toma diagnosed Lori with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome commonly know as PCOS. After the first round of in-vitro fertilization Lori became pregnant and conceived Sophia in 2007. To everyone’s surprise Lori got pregnant naturally just 4 months after Sophia was born and Ryan was born in 2008.
In December 2008 Lori and Rob decided they wanted to “pay it forward” and help other families who are struggling with infertility and the exorbitant costs associated with treatment so they started the Pay It Forward Fertility Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)3 organization. The Pay It Forward Fertility Foundation was created to give hope to people who want to build a family. The goal of the organization is to educate , create awareness, and provide financial assistance.
Visit www.PayitForwardFertility.org for more information.
“Change comes eventually.” If you don’t recognize this line then you’re obviously not a Lauryn Hill fan, no worries because you can relate to the quote without remainder of the chorus. It’s from her song “Everything is Everything” and that’s exactly how I feel right now. I’m coming out of my transition phase into a stage of understanding. My life since college has changed rapidly from day to week to month. In the past I had the tendency to dwell on the past, but life changes so quickly that I have to keep moving with it. As for the season changing, it’s much anticipated even though I’m hearing Chicago’s spring is a rainy season.
Back in the lovely state of North Carolina lays my buffer, 95% of the people I’m closest to reside there. I have adjusted not exactly gracefully, but I have found that I can manage. I slipped up and I tried to find that buffer concept here in one person. Let’s scratch that, I wasn’t looking, but I thought I found it in one person. It ended exactly how it started, rapidly like life.
I won’t delve into the juicy details because that’s not what my column is about. It is about my enlightenment from lessons I have learned. So my first epiphany of 2010 is that I am my own comfort zone, but even now I find it difficult to believe.
I hopped on a Southwest airplane last summer with the desire to learn and see new things. I came here to start my life. There are many young people my age with the same story, small town and move into the big city. Some have dreams and some want to escape the mundane lifestyle that consists of hanging out at Wal-Mart on the weekend.
I have been reminded constantly that I’m not in my town of 25,000, also that I’m not near the ones that know me the best. I have realized that I rely on them heavily even though I am miles away. Where ever I go now I know that I have to back myself, be my cheerleader, be my own shoulder and protector (for the most part). Also, no one can live my life except for me. There are people here who love me dearly and want the very best for me. I have to want it and do it.
My dear readers I have changed, as much as the weather has, tremendously since I’ve landed here and I have a long way to go.
Lauren Wilder is an up-and-coming journalist who recently moved to Chicago. She shares her adventures with P3 readers every month.
We’ve all heard that it is more blessed to give than to receive. But we live in a world where many are ruled by their wants and desires. When that adage comes up people think, “Yeah right, I’d much rather receive a flat-screen plasma television set than to give one away.” But there is some truth to this. There is a lot of truth to this.
Back in September, I lost my day job. It was completely unexpected. While I didn’t miss the job itself, I did miss my co-workers and I missed my paycheck. I get unemployment but it is not nearly as much as I had been making. Plus, I bought my first-house last year.
The first few weeks were fine but then the fear, the frustration and the anxiety set in. Add to that the admonishments from both friends and family that I, as a life coach, I should be beyond feelings of fear, frustration and anxiety.
But I pride myself on being honest and, honestly, I was scared and I felt like a fraud for being scared. Maybe they were right. If I were any kind of coach wouldn’t I be able to snap my fingers and banish these emotions in an instant? Shouldn’t I be able to be 100% positive all the time?
To make matters worse, I was alone. I live alone and that’s fine but with no job to go to, I was alone all day every day, all day. It was maddening. It was like being in solitary confinement. I had full days to dwell on my problems, my situation and myself. I would spend days operating on little to no sleep. I knew I needed to do something but I wasn’t sure what.
I reached out to a friend and she suggested that I find volunteer. It would get me out of the house and, if I found an organization that was a good fit, it would give me an opportunity to use some of my skills. “You can’t let your talents go to waste sitting at home,” she reasoned.
I didn’t hesitate. That night, I went online to Volunteer Match and I did a search on local non-profits. Jacob’s Ladder, a local job readiness training program, came up. It sounded perfect. I called the next day. I met with them later that week and started volunteering that next Monday.
I’ve been able to use my training expertise, my life coaching skills and what I know about job searching and interviewing. I have helped people with applications, resumes, getting professional clothes and interviewing. I have been able to help the students in the class become more proactive, develop workable goals and see things from a variety of different perspectives.
I have been giving of myself, my skills and my talents. It is, and continues to be, an amazing experience. While I have been giving, I’ve been receiving so much more. My outlook immediately improved. I began sleeping again. For the first time in weeks, I felt like myself again.
I also came to realize that feeling those feelings doesn’t make me any of a less effective coach. It makes me human. And now, I even believe that these kinds of experiences might even make me a better coach. I was down; but I didn’t stay there. I found a way to get up and I know that I can help others do the same.
However, my turn around started when I started to give.
