Archive for the 'Motherhood & Family Life' Category
By Kim Crouch
My neighbor Jennifer is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. She is what I would call the neighborhood mom: someone who nurtures and supports all the kids in the neighborhood. She will do anything and everything for anyone in need of assistance. Running late and can’t pick your child up from school, Jennifer will do it. Need to work late unexpectedly, no problem. Your child forgot to bring an apple to school for an assignment. No problem. Jennifer sent in extra with her children because she knew someone would forget.
Truthfully, many of us may think Jennifer is nuts or a bit too much. After all, most people nowadays would say this isn’t their issue, problem or responsibility. But what makes Jennifer different from most people, is she truly cares about children, especially those who inhabit the community in which her children live.
When I think about her commitment to kids, I often think about the stories my mom would tell me about what things were like when she was growing up and how you knew your neighbors. How your neighbors looked out for you and how your neighbors treated other people’s kids like they treated their own. People didn’t go hungry or face life’s trials alone.
Growing up, these stories never really garnered much traction with me because they sounded so much like the past, and like any child, I wasn’t concerned about the past. I also thought my mom was complaining because she didn’t have "nice" neighbors anymore. Honestly, whenever I heard the start of those three magical words: "I remember when," I simply tuned out. But, as a mom, I realize now those stories weren’t just about neighbors but about communities, unity and being your brother’s keeper.
Truthfully, I feel badly for our children today because many of them are growing up in neighborhoods rather than communities. Neighborhoods are a geographic location where people live whereas communities are made up of a group of people united or bound by a shared sense of purpose or values.
Imagine just for a moment what it would be like if our children grew up in communities where people invested in their success. I suspect we would see a huge increase in the graduation rate, a significant decrease in crime and those children in single family households would have a plethora of parents looking out for them. I think we could lessen the impact of a lot of societal ills if we moved from neighborhoods to raise our children in communities. So while we may think someone like Jennifer is a bit nutty, we certainly could use more Jennifers because they are our best hope to rebuilding our communities.
Kim Crouch is an attorney and author of Mother to Son: Words of Wisdom, Inspiration, and Hope for Today’s Young African-American Men .
December 13 2009 | Motherhood & Family Life and Other Useful Articles and Power Boost: January 2010 | No Comments »
by Annika Murray
I don’t like the terminology, “unwanted” pregnancy. An unplanned or unexpected pregnancy is totally different from an unwanted one. I can’t say that I planned all my pregnancies, but I certainly know that I wanted each one. I’m enjoying Avary’s beautiful smile and exciting giggles. We didn’t “plan” to conceive her, but I am so glad we did. After the birth of my fourth child, Ayden, we were convinced that our family was complete. We had 2 girls and 2 boys. It was a perfect scenario. Ariana had a best friend in Alana. They are sewn at the hip, just 16 months apart in age. Then Alston had a companion, his little brother Ayden. The girls comfortably shared a bedroom, with their sitting room turned playroom. The boys enjoyed just being boys in their own turf.
Then all of that changed in the fall of 2008. Ayden was just 10 months old. I recall riding home from church in mid-September and I mentioned to my husband how I had been feeling. He looked at me and asked, “You aren’t pregnant, are you?”
"Well, I don’t know, maybe.”
Now for someone who had already been pregnant four times, I was well aware of what it was like. Now let me pause for a minute and give thanks that I have had great, uneventful pregnancies. Thank God! I did not experience morning sickness, bed rest nor any serious complications and all of my kids were delivered full term. I was pretty much able to function at normal capacity aside from the weight gain.
Anyway, I just felt pregnant! We were not expecting Avary and were taking precautionary measures. So the birth of another child was not in the plan. We were done! After an at home pregnancy test confirmed it, the only thing we could do was laugh. All I know is that God’s plans are greater than ours and His will can override the will and decision of men. I know that every life has a purpose and each day, looking into Avary’s eyes remind me of that fact.
It amazes me that people constantly debate the issue of life. I am unashamedly Pro-Life. But for me it is not just some political stance. In my heart, I have experienced true joy and peace from the life giver. My hope is that all persons can have the chance to experience a life full of purpose and hope as well.
Annika shares the chaos, the challenge and some of the cherished memories of raising a family of five.
December 09 2009 | Motherhood & Family Life and Power Boost: December 2009 | No Comments »
By Kori Rodley Irons
Parents often complain that during the holiday season, the focus for their kids seems to be on “getting” - asking and receiving an abundance of gifts and treats. Everywhere they go, people ask them what the “want.” For many parents, all this wanting can get to be too much. Here are some suggestions for injecting a little “giving” into your little one’s holiday season and introducing your child to the joys of philanthropy.
One year, when my three nearly-grown kids were all still in elementary school, I told them one morning over breakfast that we were going to do a family project for the holidays. I told them I was going to give the three of them $100 to donate to charity and they got to decide how and to whom to give it. I explained that they could give it all to one agency if they all agreed, or they could split it up three ways and each manage their own $33, or they could decide to give some to various organizations. I told them I would put all the mail appeals we got in one basket and they could look them over. And, they were free to just decide on a cause (like feeding the poor) if they didn’t know which agency was working on that cause.
$100 felt like a lot of money to them to be in control over and they all three got into the project. In the end, they brought about 5 or 6 organizations and causes to the table and we took a vote on who and how much. It was a great way for them to find out more about what charitable organizations were doing in our community and take some of the holiday focus off getting and onto giving.
Some families choose to adopt a family who is less fortunate for the holiday season - looking for a family with a child or children close in age to their own. This is another great way to encourage a child to experience an act of charity. Other families I know choose to do something for animals - they spend a day walking dogs at the shelter, or put together a basket of necessities and treats for the animals awaiting homes. Still other families may choose to become involved with seniors this time of year. When I was a girl, our family used to make visits to the local nursing home during the holiday season. I must admit it was a rather reciprocal experience for me as the residents would fuss and fawn over me more than I was able to visit or play cards with them!
Collecting food for the local food pantry or even helping fill boxes and stock shelves can be a great experience for kids. Keep in mind, however, that this time of year many people think about becoming involved with charitable concerns and there may not be need for your efforts. Making arrangements to help at a time of year when they really do need you, or becoming involved as a family on a regular basis may be a much more helpful way to contribute.
I also know one family who gives a gift of a book to the local library each holiday and the children have been involved with choosing the book each year. This would be a wonderful way to support a local school, neighborhood branch or a city library. Some libraries keep a list of books they are planning to purchase and you can choose one, or perhaps a musically minded family would like to donate CDs to the library’s collection. Computer games, periodical subscriptions and DVDs of movies or programs may also be appreciated by your library.
As you look around your community and think of ways you can become more charitably involved during the holiday season, keep in mind your child’s age and interests. A cause more closely in line with your child’s own concerns will be more likely to leave a lasting favorable impression. Expressing a “giving spirit” during the hectic festive season is a wonderful way to create a lasting family tradition.
Kori Rodley Irons is a freelance writer, public relations and nonprofit management specialist living in the Pacific Northwest.
December 09 2009 | Motherhood & Family Life and Other Useful Articles and Power Boost: December 2009 | No Comments »
I’m certain I’m not the only one frustrated or who has encountered this but what is going on with some parents in our community? I mean when did parenting become a burden? I was the keynote speaker at an event this past weekend for a local organization and talking about the power of parental advocacy and how parents are their child’s greatest advocate.
After the event, a 14 year old girl came up to me and asked me if I could help her get back in school. It seems she got expelled from school in January for fighting. She didn’t have a knife or any weapon but in this day of zero tolerance this was her 3rd fight and it led to her expulsion. I was a bit surprised that she had asked because I wondered why t his was something her parents weren’t trying to do. However, I learned her mom was a single mom and her mom just wasn’t willing to do it. Since the girl really seemed to want to get back into school, I decided to help. I called her mom who informed me that this was her daughter’s problem. In her words: she got put out, she needs to find a way to get back in if she wants to go. I’m leaving it up to her this is her life.
I couldn’t believe any reasonable and responsible parent would say this. What shocked me further was the battle I found from the school itself. Although I wasn’t this child’s parent, I convinced the principal to talk to me about re-enrolling the child. A friend of a friend knew the principal. I talked to the principal, who said the child had written her a letter and asked if she could come back to school. (Note what child would do this if they didn’t care about their future). The principal said she told her no because the school had limited resources and the bottom line is the child had 3 fights that year and they just didn’t have the time to deal with children who were disruptive. I understand the principal’s concerns but we need to think very carefully before making it too hard for a child to get back on track. After all, this child never brought a weapon to school and as far as I could see didn’t pose a danger to any students. To make a long story short, I was finally able to convince the principal to allow the child to reenroll in the school.
But after spending a week dealing with an uninvolved parent and a school system that was more than happy to kick the child to the curb, it re-enforced my belief about the role of parental advocacy. It’s a shame that in many ways whether a child succeeds has a lot to do with whether their parents or some adult is vested in them, their success and their future. I didn’t know this girl at all but in one week I had spent more time fighting for her future than her mom or the school system: both of which seemed very willing to throw her away. As a parent and someone who speaks to parents across this country, my greatest advice has to be get involved in the life of a child. We have to do what we can to protect all our children and not only the ones who get good grades but even those who are D and F students and find themselves in the gray areas of life. And for goodness sake, we need parents to Parent Up.
What do I mean by Parent Up? Our parents need to step up their parenting game- plain and simple. If you do your role as a parent to the best of your ability, there still exists a chance your child may not succeed. If you do less than your best- guess what? Your child’s chance for success drop dramatically.
So I say Parent Up- do your part. Doesn’t matter if you are a single parent, married couple, grandparent, aunt, uncle, whatever…..Parent Up. If you are responsible for a child- take control of the situation, quit complaining about how hard it is and just do your best and definitely do NOT give up on them. If, after doing your best in the parenting situation, you still end up with a bad seed, you know you did your best and it wasn’t your fault. If you end up with a dud and you didn’t do all you should have done- you can be pretty sure it’s probably your fault!! Sorry if this is harsh but it’s also harsh to say to a 14 year old I don’t care if you succeed or not.
Attorney and author of book Mother To Son: Words of Wisdom, Hope and Inspiration for Today’s Young African-American Men.
October 30 2009 | Motherhood & Family Life and Power Boost: November 2009 | No Comments »
by Annika Murray
Just the other day I walk into my laundry room and to my surprise, I find Alana (almost 7 years old) standing in the corner. She was carefully tucked away in the midst of loads of laundry needing washing, drying, folding and hanging.
I call it "Mt. Murray", but let’s save that story for another post.
"Alana, what are you doing?" I ask.
"Oh. Nothing"
"Why are you standing in here?"
She responds, "I just needed a moment to myself". Shocked at her answer I ask if anything is wrong. Then she said, "sometimes I just want to be alone and Alston (almost 4) can be a bit much!"
I tried to maintain my composure and talk to her about this situation. Like any good mother I told her I understand how she feels, but I couldn’t resist stating, sometimes I feel the same way!" Alana then responds, "I know."
Alana had the right idea, go into the one place nobody cares to really go to. The laundry room has no food, TV, DVDs, computer, sitting area or bath facilities. I even avoid it sometimes, regretfully. Now I know the laundry room is the place to be to escape from the mayhem.
However, as a task oriented mom, I tell her to put a load in the dryer while she is there. I needed the help and she needed the space.
October 30 2009 | Motherhood & Family Life and Power Boost: November 2009 | No Comments »
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