The Power, Passion & Purpose Group | Bounce Back from Rejection

Bounce Back from Rejection

By Joyce Ryan

Bouncing back from rejection can be tough, especially when the reasons are not always clear. Many people have self-esteem or guilt issues that make them assume they are at fault for the rejection. Here are a few tips to help build resiliency and bounce back quicker from rejections.

Bouncing back from rejection tip #1: Not all rejections are personal

Most rejections in adult life are not based on you personally. Often there is a self-blame reflex carried over from childhood, when the reasons for popularity can be so arbitrary. In grade school, it is actually possible that one will be excluded from the "in crowd" just for wearing glasses or being overweight. However, this is not a very likely reason for rejections later in life, like getting passed over for a promotion at work.

Bouncing back from rejection tip #2: Learn the real reasons behind the rejection

Finding out the actual reasons for the rejection helps you not see it as personal. If the boss explains that the promotion was based on seniority and the other person had been employed for twice as long, it makes it much easier to understand why the decision was made.

Bouncing back from rejection tip #3: Learn from the experience

Approach rejection as a learning opportunity, not a sign that you are a total failure as a person. Everyone is a work in progress. Nobody is a finished product until they take their last breath. Unfortunately, many people stop their progress by assigning a final label like "loser" or "failure" in the middle of their life. You are only a failure when you stop getting back up for another try. In step #2, you learned the reasons for the rejection. Take those reasons as lessons on what you may be able to improve for the next job or relationship.

Bouncing back from rejection tip #4: Face the feelings

Do not avoid the painful feelings that come along with rejection. Rejection still hurts, even when you know it wasn’t personal and that you could not have stopped it. Nobody likes missing out on that great job or being dumped by their significant other. Hiding the feelings and pretending nothing is wrong prevents you from healing and moving on with your life. You can get trapped in a cycle of fear, being afraid to take another risk because you cannot handle the feelings that may come if you are rejected. Be honest with yourself (and others, if they are supportive) about how you feel and let yourself have some downtime to feel sad or worried before you get back up to try again.

Bouncing back from rejection tip #5: Get back up and try again

Of course, you do have to try again. Rejection is painful, but it is also a part of everyday life. Very few rewards can be gained without taking a risk first. Learning how to bounce back from rejection and build resiliency from the experience is crucial to successfully adapting to all that life can throw at you.

Friendless

By Karyn L. Beach

I used to have a very bad habit of beating myself up. If I didn’t meet a goal I’d set for myself or if I didn’t perform as well as I had hoped, the negative voices would start in on me. “Goodness! And people actually think you’re smart.” “You can’t do any better than that?” “Just look at you!”

Most bad habits we acquire have a positive root. Someone started drinking or smoking because it calmed them down. A rage-aholic got an immediate release and pressure reduction from blowing their top. Maybe they even got attention or maybe they noticed that people acquiesced to them out of fear.

The trouble is that the ‘positive’ benefit is quickly outweighed by the negative effects. The drinking gets out of hand and the smoking has nasty physiological side effects. The outburst of anger ruin relationships. For me, negative self-talk started as a motivator – a way to push myself but quickly it got out of control and the negativity of it soon took over.

Then, I was talking to a friend after a particularly bad day and she said something remarkable. She said something that literally changed my life. She said, “If you talked to your friends the way you talk to yourself, you wouldn’t have any friends.”

Wow.

She was right. I go out of my way to be positive and kind to my friends, co-workers … and even strangers, but I was unable to extend that same basic courtesy and kindness to myself.

It was at that point that I started really observing how I talked to myself. It was shocking and I knew it had to change. So when the negative self-talk would start, I’d start talking back. “No, I’m not an idiot.” “I made a mistake, these things happen.”

On several occasions, I even broke out the pen and the pad and wrote out what I liked about myself or all the reasons why I wasn’t an idiot. And it took some time but it began to work.

I can’t say that I never have a negative thought or that I never throw myself a good old fashioned pity party, but it happens now a lot less frequently and when it does happen it doesn’t happen for as long.

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